Memories
by Nerwen Aldarion
Summary: The memory of a night past continues to haunt Teyla, a night filled with passion and bliss. I know crappy summery. TeylaRonon


Disclaimer: I don't own Atlantis, those really cool guys in Vancouver do.

A/N: This might be one of the saddest things I've ever written. It came to me late last night when I couldn't sleep so I started thinking about Ronon and Teyla and well here is the result.

* * *

Memories

Teyla had been told that memories were like rereading an old story, sometimes they could be happy, sometimes sad, usually you could recall them a relive experiences in life. No one had ever told her that memories could also be like spirits, ghosts haunting you every where you walked. Coming upon you to fill your senses with what used to be and to leave you with the pain that results in reminiscing.

* * *

_She noticed him in the dark lighting of the tavern sitting alone at the bar, a drink in his hand and a pensive look in his eyes. She was surprised to see Ronon their, she didn't think he would ever come back to Belkan considering what had happened the last time he had come but she knew that he had a friend here so perhaps it was not so unusual._

_She was at a lost as to what to do, should she sit next to him and talk? Or leave him alone to his own musings? It couldn't hurt to speak to him she decided, maybe all he needed to see was a familiar place._

_"Is this seat taken?" She had asked, "Or are your thoughts filling it?"_

_He had looked up and smiled that grin that would always make her heart flip and gestured at the seat. _

_"What are you doing here?" He asked her._

_She smiled, "I should ask you that, I was here to see Mattus about more trade negotiations that I'm sure you don't want to hear about."_

_"Not particularly," He agreed, "I came to see Solen," He explained, "Trying to find out if anyone else I knew was still alive."_

_Teyla's expression became thoughtful, "Is there?"_

_He shook his head, "Not really, apparently my family was at the southern end of the capital which was one of the first places to be annihilated."_

_"Family?" She asked curious as to what kind of family he was referring to, whether he was meaning a wife and children or parents and siblings, she found her self praying for the latter._

_"My mother and my two sisters," He told her, "They were trying to evacuate at the time."_

_"What about your father?" She asked, then saw the painfully look on his face, "I didn't mean to upset you."_

_"Its fine," He said, "I already knew he didn't survive."_

_He went on to explain, "My father and I were stationed in the same area when the attack came, and he fought the Wraith bringing down more of their ships then anyone else. Until one of the hive ships came and blew the platform he was fighting on away."_

_She placed a hand on his shoulder, "Ronon, I'm sorry."_

_"Don't be," He told her, "You aren't the one that killed him."_

_"I know that," She explained, "But I know what it is like to lose a father to the Wraith, and I know the pain of it. What I try to remember are the memories I have of him and I thank the Ancestors everyday for the time that I did have with him."_

_He smiled at her and for the first time Teyla realized that the hand she had placed on his shoulder was now resting on his hand and was gently caressing his rough fingers. Their eyes met and her heart raced as she began to wonder how the night would unfold._

* * *

She never should have sat down beside him, she surmised, she should have just walked away. If she had maybe then she wouldn't feel this heaviness in her heart.

She remembered what she had thought after the first time she was on Belkan with Ronon, she had promised herself to never take him their again, she had a feeling that if she did he would cause even more trouble then he did the first time. In a way it was true, even if she didn't actually take him there he did cause trouble, trouble for her.

Why oh why did that night have to happen?

* * *

_It was a flurry of kisses and touches as Ronon and Teyla somehow stumbled their way to the room she was staying in. There was nothing civilized about it has they tried to remove their clothing more often then not resorting to tearing the material in their haste._

_So urgent was their need to feel skin against skin, to taste the others flesh and to know each other in the most intimate embrace imaginable._

_Teyla loved Ronon's kiss and the feel of his hard muscles as she ran her fingertips over his bare chest. There was no thought as to what this encounter would do to their friendship, in fact the only thinking there was about the moment and how good this felt now._

_She loved the way the candle light gleamed on his skin as he tenderly showered her body with fevered kisses and warm caresses. She felt her entire soul come to life at the slightest touch of his fingertips and she blessed his gentle touch._

_She saw the shadows of their two forms cast by the soft candlelight and watched as they molded into one as she was taken away to a new form of ecstasy when she felt him inside her and she finally learned was bliss truly was._

_She lay nestled in his arms as they basked in each other's arms occasionally laying a kiss on his chest. He gently caressed her bare skin and looked into her soft brown eyes as he tenderly whispered her name…Teyla._

* * *

"Teyla!" The sound of Elizabeth speaking her name woke Teyla from her memories.

"What?" She asked having missed the conversation due to her day dreaming.

"I was just wondering where you were," Elizabeth explained, "You seemed to be miles away."

"I was just thinking," Teyla told her trying to brush off the incident.

"About what?" Elizabeth asked.

"Nothing important," was the only explanation she would give, "Excuse me," Teyla said as she picked up her tray from the Mess Hall and left.

Elizabeth stared after her friend wondering what was bothering her; she knew something was wrong with Teyla. The only thing she could hope for was that Teyla would tell her eventually.

* * *

Teyla was embarrassed about getting caught reminiscing in the Mess Hall, while talking to Elizabeth no less. It was one of the things she hated about the memories of that night, they came up any where and everywhere, never letting her forget the promise she made, the promise she couldn't seem to fulfill.

* * *

_When they both awoke in the morning they finally realized just what had happened and the consequences that could result._

_"What happened last night between us," She told him, "that was irresponsible we can't let it happen again."_

_"I know," He agreed, "With the team and all…it would cause problems."_

_They looked away from each other slightly ashamed and more than a little saddened before he spoke up again, "We should just forget it," He said, "forget about what happened, it's the best thing for us."_

* * *

And like a fool she had agreed but learning too late that saying something was so much easier than actually completing the task. She had tried as hard as she could to not the think of the fevered caresses and the soft kisses they had shared but she had failed miserably.

She longed to turn back time and to stop herself from speaking to him, if that night hadn't happened she wouldn't feel this aching loneliness in her heart when she saw him.

It would be so much easier if she didn't remember but like a ghost reluctant to leave, the memories of that one fateful night stayed with her, haunting her mind and only adding to the sadness in her heart.

* * *

A/N: So what did you think? I don't know whether this will be a one shot or not, perhaps if someone has a really good idea for a continuation I'll use it. I just don't know if I like ending things this way, I'm a happy ending sort of person. 


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